With the French coach naming his squad for the upcoming World Cup Qualifier play offs with Ireland, I thought I would name my Ireland squad though chances are, Trap may well pick a v.different side:
Goalkeepers: Mary Harney (Minster for Health and Children) – Nothing gets by this lady. She has bigger man bits than Jodie Foster and the beard to match. Mike Tyson (ex boxer/tattoo wearer) A man who has a history of getting what he wants and not afraid to bite off the odd ear) Simon Cowell (owner of the rights to everything on TV) Has a massive big head that will fill the goal from post to post.
Defenders: Daniel Day Lewis (Actor person) A man who is so talented that if he ‘thinks’ he is a defender, he will ‘become’ a defender, though the last time I saw him, he was in a wheelchair. I think he mentioned something to do with his left foot. The Invisible Man (Invisible Man) A defender who can’t be seen can only be a good thing. Russell Brand (Funny person) Will try to score with the oppositions sisters/girlfriends/wives/mothers/grandmothers, etc. Paris Hilton (?) The opposition will expend so much energy trying to figure out what she’s famous for that we may catch them off guard. A Tank (armoured fighting vehicle) A Tank has not played for Ireland before but the scouts tell me many positive things about it.
Midfielders: Stephen Ireland (Man City and selfish dog) Actually I would never pick someone who doesn’t want to play for his country. Scrap that one. Al Murray the Pub Landlord (Pub landlord) He doesn’t like the French and might be useful on the team. Bill Y (Me) I’m better at Forensic Accounting than I am at soccer but don’t pretend you wouldn’t pick yourself, if you were picking the team! Javier Bardem in ‘No Country for Old Men’ (Actor person) He would scare the bejaysus outta the opposition.
Forwards: Usain Bolt (Fast runner dude) This guy would not be slow. Garlic (member of the onion family) We know the French like garlic and they might be freaked out to see Garlic play for Ireland. This could be a big advantage to us. Evil Bill Y (Evil dude) A man who will do anything to win, the eviler it is, the happier he is.
With this talent, I think we have a fighting chance. C’mon Ireland. Bill Y