Everyone seems to be protesting about something these days so I think it’s about time I had my say. I’ve been brilliant for a long time now and it’s not once been acknowledged. I know I’m brilliant because I was born in an ‘I am brilliant’ t-shirt, with an ‘I am brilliant’ tattoo and was baptised Bill 'I am brilliant’ Y. When I was little, I went to brilliant school and learned brilliant stuff. As a teenager I honed my brilliant musician skills and have remained brilliant since. If you were to ask me to describe myself in one word, I would spend a couple of moments thinking about it and answer ‘brilliant’.
As someone who is brilliant, I enrich other peoples lives. It’s something I can’t help. One time I was in a lift with three people for 30 seconds and the three of them became brilliant, just by standing next to me. It’s not an easy burden to bare. During all these years of brilliance, I have never once asked the Government for a handout.
This week, the Swine Flu vaccine has finally become available in Ireland and is being offered to those people at most risk of catching what is now a pandemic. As I am brilliant, I asked the Government if I was one of those ‘at risk’ groups. To my total surprise, I was told I was not on the list. I just couldn’t get my brilliant head around this. Surely brilliant people should be vaccinated first? In order of importance, it should be:
1. Brilliant People
2. Elvis Impersonators
3. Bank Officials
4. People called Sue
5. Those Irish twin guys from the Simon Cowell TV programme.
7. People I know
8. People who know me
9. Traffic Wardens
10. Tax Collectors.
I am a member of BRILL (Brilliant Really Incredible Legitimate Legends) Union and as such am planning a day of action, to counteract this outrageous treatment of brilliant people by the Government. I call on you, brothers and sisters, to protest as loudly as possible at this massive injustice which we simply cannot allow to continue. We need plaques and banners so please send me a 100 Trillion Zimbabwean Dollar note and we can employee some less than brilliant people to make them. This is not a time to be silent. Bill Y