Sometimes it’s hard to maintain standards. Each day I go to work and I strive to be as useless as possible. Experience has taught me that this is the way to be. The last time I took the initiative (I think it was 1998) my boss told me I had to continue to be that productive every day and this wasn’t possible because it was just a one off massive fluke. It took me ages to convince her that I was a really bad employee and not to expect anything except mediocrity from me. It’s the same with buying presents for people. If you buy someone a very expensive present, they’ll expect a very expensive present, next time. For this reason, my presents consist of a printed t-shirt with the words ‘diebastarddie’ on it. I’ve just fixed my t-shirt printing machine so if you’re on my Xmas list, you should be receiving yours shortly. You may thank me in advance. Bill Y
