Friday, October 23, 2009

Have your cake, eat it and die.

I’m a bad eater. I eat bad food. I do this because I know no better. I have a solution that will help educate myself and others like me but I need to get the food makers and the education system to work with me on it. It’s a simple idea but all the best ideas are.

I want to change the name of food. Well that’s not exactly true. I don’t want to change the name of food, just move the name of the product to the back or bottom of the packaging. In it’s place, we put a picture of what you will look like in years to come if you continue to consume said product. For example, if you were to pick up a box with a cake in it, it wouldn’t have ‘Cake’ on the front of the box. It would have a picture of an obese dead person, wearing an ‘I used to like cake but I ate so much of it, I ended up dead’ t-shirt.

This is where the education system comes in. The education system needs to scare the bejaysus outta the kids before they even see the cake . This way, when little Gill Y gets home from school and sets her eyes on the box for the first time, she throws up because she has already been taught that she could die if she eats the cake.

I think the idea is a good one but I know there is an issue that needs to be addressed. It might prove difficult to convince the Bakers to put a picture of a dead obese woman on the front of the box stating that eating the product contained within, actually caused her death. It's hardly a good advertisement for cake.

For this reason, I am going to run for the European Parliament and attempt to pass a ‘Cake is murder’ bill. My advertising slogan will read: ‘I wasn’t around when I was a kid but I’m here now to warn you that you could die if you eat cake’. I think I’m on to a winner with this one and can’t see how it could possibly fail. Bill Y


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