I’m as unique as the fingerprints of a fingerprinted fingerprint

I've been accused of many, many things but never  of being 'ordinary' or 'average'. When I was a teenager, I used to think that if I dressed a little different to everybody else, I would be a little different to everybody else. As I got older, I realised that clothes have as much to do with individualism as acorns have to Brazilian pro-cyclical fiscal policy. Experience has thought me that I just need to be myself and individualism shines through. Sometimes it shines through so much, it scares the bejaysus out of me. If you like me, you're cool, if not, you're a fool. This is not open for discussion. If I wasn't myself, I would love to know me as I'm fairly fascinating in a freakishly funky way. Things people say or do rarely dent my confidence as I am self assured in my uniqueness. This picture however, made me lose several nights sleep:

 

 

Irish logic: When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to Heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven.

If you were to tell me I talk a lot of utter nonsense, I wouldn't argue with you. At It’s good to mock, despite our common sensibilities, we prefer nonsense to common sense.  We're a collective of Irish people who conform to every Irish stereotype. We're all called Murphy, have red hair, hang out with Bono, wear white wooly jumpers, fight in bars, sing songs to each other at the drop of a hat, pick up the hat and sing another song to each other over another drink. We're a friendly, welcoming nation of musicians and poets. If you're ever over in these parts, drop by and my Uncle Seany will introduce to to a Leprechaun at the bottom of a rainbow.

We also have a fascination for throwing benefit concerts for those who are not as fortunate as Bono, i.e. the rest of the world or the other 3 (sometimes forgotten – I can’t quite remember their names right now) member of U2. I can't guarantee that we'll have a world famous headline act but lets just say, we're hoping for a certain rock band fronted by Bono. I'm off now to kiss the blarney stone, watch Riverdance and play a round of golf with Paddy Harrington.

I leave you with these words:

In heaven there is no beer, that is why we drink it here.

and this picture of some Irish priests:

 

 

Look at this guy's t-shirt and make your own mind up about him

We wouldn't be the most politically correct people, around these parts. Don't get me wrong, we're by no means nasty, malicious folk like my mate Dave or the part of George Lucas that convinced him to make the Star Wars prequels. We like a good mock and only occasionally cross the line into downright evil. It's strange how this usually happens when we discuss Bon Jovi, Jodie Foster or that lying, cheating dog, Thierry Henry but that's just the way it is. I wouldn't change anything about us because we're all well adjusted, unevenly balanced mockers. Once in a blue moon, we find ourselves stuck for words. As you can imagine, this is about as rare as a happy marriage. Rather than put words in your mouth, it's probably best if you just look at this guy's t-shirt and make your own mind up about him:

 

 

Evolution: Life’s biggest mocker

At it's good to mock HQ, we like to think we feed you more than just a daily dose of nonsense. If we can raise a smile for a moment in an otherwise serious, heavy laden day, we're happy that we've done our job. One of the main questions that habit our collective, meagre minds is:

If we were visited by aliens and had to explain human nature in a very simple way, how would we do it?

As you can imagine, due to the importance of this question, we have devoted quite a significant amount of time to it. One idea would be to show that famous image of evolution where we evolved from monkeys:

We were all happy and thought we'd provided the perfect answer but we thought the aliens might ask questions about what we've become since we actually evolved from monkeys, into the animal we call human. This brought us back to the drawing board (which is really a bar disguised as a drawing board) and many hours later, we came up with a picture which offers a clearer explanation of life as we know it:

 

 

Guide dogs for the invisible

When I was a little mocker, all I ever wanted to be was invisible. If I was invisible, I could get up to all sorts of mischief and never get into trouble for it. I wanted to be a superhero and have the power to remove the evil of Bon Jovi from the world. I didn’t want any thanks for this, I just didn’t want Bon Jovi playing that bland, middle of the road music. If I was invisible today, I would hang out with some blind people. They wouldn’t see me, seeing them. The public wouldn’t see me with the blind people and I wouldn’t see any other invisible people. The only problem would be bumping into invisible blind people with their invisible guide dogs. Sadly, I’m not invisible so it doesn’t really matter but I came home the other day and got quite a surprise. Jill Y was working from home on a project to turn guide dogs invisible and as usual she got carried away and decided to test her work on herself:

Beware of the dog but also of the cats

Dogs - Mans best friend or animal to be aware of? The question is as old as a rock that’s 4,800,000,000 years old. If you’ve ever been bitten by a dog, you more than likely wouldn’t have enjoyed it. Your natural instinct might be to bite the dog back but please be aware that a taste for dog is only one step away from a taste for people and cannibalism tends to be frowned upon in polite society. Some people think dogs are born evil like Walt Disney or Hulk Hogan’s kids. At It's good to mock, we believe dogs become evil when they come into contact with the films of Walt Disney or the kids of Hulk Hogan. If you own a dog and are concerned that it may react a bit strange around people, you could always put up one of those ‘Beware of the dog’ signs. By the looks of things, this dog must not have seen the ‘Beware of the cats’ sign:

A horse is a horse, of course of course but we’re talking about pigs right now.

A recent survey has shown that 85% of people who don't agree with everything I say and do are 78% more likely to become lactose intolerant than 84% of those who do. With stats like these, I think it's in your best interest to agree with everything I say and do. Don't you? A certain person who's in charge of America at the moment, recently said: "You can put lipstick on a pig but it's still a pig". At it's good to mock, we love these things more than zircon encrusted tweezers or cheese smothered in mars bars and dipped in gold. We do however question the statement. While we agree that a pig is a pig, even if you put lipstick on it, we feel we must point out that the lipstick may make the pig more attractive. Rather than use words to make our point, we'll go for pictures:

 

  

Learning to fly but I ain’t got wings

This week, I’ve been looking at getting into new hobbies. There’s so much choice out there from learning to be brilliant to being a brilliant learner. I’ve decided that I’m going to take flying lessons and found a website which is very good. You can sign up and keep track of the stuff you’ve learned. I think the site was having some technical difficulty last night. I logged on and was looking at someone else’s profile:

 

 

I’m not sure of the exact name of the painting but I want to share it with you in the hope that you too will gain the appreciation for art that I now have

I’ve never understood art. I’m talking about looking at paintings and seeing the intrinsic, aesthetic value. Like most things, this is usually above my head but recently things have started to change. There was a guy that went by the name of Leonardo da Vinci who hung around in the 15th century. I came across a mural he painted, only because it was depicted on a t-shirt I was given. Immediately, I began to understand it. It had an almost timeless quality, as if the past was somehow fusing with the present. It stirred a strange new emotion and I felt as if I was somehow ‘learning’ something. I’m not sure of the exact name of the painting but I want to share it with you in the hope that you too will gain the appreciation for art that I now have. I think it was called ‘Optimus Prime’s Last Supper’

 

 

Stats the way, uh-huh, uh-huh, I like it.

It’s amazing. I found two new hobbies this week. First, I realise I have a fascination with melting candles and making candles out of them. Then I find out that I really, truly, totally love pie charts. Pie charts are unbelievable. You can make a pie chart for anything. If you wanted to show how much you hate Bon Jovi or how much you don’t understand people who don’t hate Bon Jovi, you could use a pie chart. If you wanted to show how much a pie chart looks like Pac-man, you could use this:

 

My dad is better than your dad

We all have an ego and there’s nothing better than watching someone whose ego has become such as integral part of their being that it becomes all consuming. When we’re little people, we try get one up our friends. If your friend tells you that his dad makes cars, you might say that your dad makes spaceships. This is a harmless part of growing up and when we’re at a certain stage of development, we stop this behaviour and move on to something else. Well, most people do. I’ve recently realised that ego is not confined to people alone. Musical devices, it seems are embedded with it too:

 

It’s good to mock – answering the questions that matter

At It’s good to mock, we get asked a lot of interesting questions.
Recently, Jodie Foster asked  “ why do you keep saying that I’m more manly than Chuck Norris?” To Jodie we say “why is Batman more manly than Superman?” What we’re tying to say Jodie, is that it is the way it is. End of.

Jon Bon Jovi asked “Do you honestly believe Bon Jovi have produced some of the blandest, middle of the road, excuses for music ever?” To Jon we say “yes we do but please relax, safe in the knowledge that we found a band that are nearly equally as bad as your creatively challenged output – take a look at your musical equivalent”

Rick Dees & His Cast of Idiots – Disco Duck

It’s funny ‘cause it’s true

As you can imagine, I was a fairly brilliant kid. When I did something wrong, I was told to go to my room. It was all “Bill Y, stop playing adagio for strings on that guitar that MacGyver made from a matchbox and shoelace and go to your room” or “Bill Y, stop telling your sister how the bible ends and go to your room”. I would sit in the empty corner and sulk as I contemplated socio-economic policies. Kids today have it so much easier:

My parents never hit me. Sure, the occasional push down the well but nothing too serious.

If I did something wrong when I was little, my parents would applaud me. This would confuse the bejaysus out of me and I would spend so much time trying to figure out why they were applauding that I would stop doing whatever bold thing I was doing. Unconventional maybe, but it did me no harm and look how unevenly balanced I turned out to be! My parents never hit me. Sure, the occasional push down the well but nothing too serious. I’ve always thought that hitting kids is the wrong thing to do and now there’s some striking evidence to support this view:

A cup of kitten is the perfect way to start the day

Lately I’ve been doing some strange stuff. I’m nearly partially but not completely off the coffee. I needed something to drink when not drinking coffee so I decided to go for something completely different. I decided a cup of kitten is the perfect way to start the day:




Unfortunately, there are some side effects to drinking kitten. I find myself making basic mistakes with grammer. Luckily, the internet is everywhere. If I’m unsure of something, I just ask the internet and it usually helps me out with the correct answer. Sometimes things can still be quite tricky. I posted this on a forum and am just waiting for someone to come back to me with the right answer:





I also find myself asking a lot more questions since the kitten drinking started. I’ve always had a thirst for knowledge, especially knowledge of coffee and kittens but lately I’ve started asking questions about all sorts of things. Let me give you an example:

I’m not one of those great thinkers like Einstein or Paris Hilton

Life. People keep telling me that it’s not supposed to be easy. Sometimes they use deep and meaningful clichés like “life is like a jar of jalapenos - what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow” or “Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all the time and have the time of your life”. I’m not one of those great thinkers like Einstein or Paris Hilton so I have to figure things out as I go along. I find it hard to explain things but I feel like I’m here for a reason and I’m trying to find someone. This guy seems to think someone is trying to find him:

I blame the parents

I don’t remember much about being a baby but then again, quite a lot has happened since then. When you’re a baby, everything is amazing. So much happens so fast in front of your baby eyes. So much of our personality is derived from what we see and do as a baby. It’s at this stage that we depend on our parents most. The truly cool parents will give a baby as much variety as possible and allow them to cultivate a little individual baby personality. Some parents however, take things to another level:

 

Like father like son

My father is a quiet, unassuming character. I would not describe myself with the same words. Having said that, throughout the years, I’ve been picking up similarities from him. My father played drums - I’ve been a musician since I was 16. My father has a sense of humour - I’ve been looking for a sense of humour for as long as I could look for stuff. My father married my mum – I like women too. There have been many books written about turning into your father or mother and if I could read, I’d probably read some of them. Until that day arrives, I always have pictures. Here’s one of those very things now:

Let us not however, think that the pain of separation is a process which is confined to people only

“All I want from life is to remove Bon Jovi from the realm of consciousness and be accepted as brilliant” Bill Y 2010

Separation can be a bad thing. Sometimes we can be part of something for so long that separation can become close to unbearable. Dependency is directly proportionate to the amount of time we spend with a person, place or thing. An example of this would be Bon Jovi. If you’ve been listening to Bon Jovi for a long time you may begin to think you’re listening to music. If you stop listening to Bon Jovi, you may experience withdrawal symptoms but a treatment of Tom Waits or Nick Cave will, over time, restore you to proper health. Let us not however, think that the pain of separation is a process which is confined to people only:

 

 

The truth can sometimes be hard to swallow

At It’s good to mock, we’re big into debates. We debate all sort of things. From the minor issues of the day – The global recession, to the more serious – Do camels ever get the hump? Jill Y and I rarely agree but we can usually work through our differences. We were in an internet cafe the other day and a casual remark grew into a major argument:

 

Lost the plot? We never had it in the first place.

At It’s good to mock, we like to pretend we know what we’re talking about, though we very rarely have a clue. Time and time again, we’re chatting away and have no idea what we’re listening to or what we’re saying. It’s not that we’re massively stupid, it’s just that we find it hard to figure things out. It’s especially difficult trying to understand the plots of films. Thankfully, friends send us emails which sometimes help. We really appreciated this one:

It’s good to mock toast

Most blogs bring you the obvious. At It’s good to mock we prefer to bring joy to your life in more unusual ways. Some of you may have heard reports of a likeness of Jesus appearing on toast. This amused us a little but not a lot so we investigated and found this:

 

 

Please allow us to turn the whole ‘Jesus appearing on toast’ phenomenon on it’s head. We proudly introduce ‘Toast appearing on Jesus’

 

 

We also uncovered some outrageous toast incidents, including this  terrifying ordeal which we can only call ‘Toasticide’